It started Friday afternoon, the day after the Bears-Commanders game when The Loser was attending his first meeting of Streamers Anonymous. We are the troubled souls who started with Netflix, the marijuana of streaming services, and got hooked.
Apple TV was next so The Loser could watch Ted Lasso and feel good about the world for 30 minutes. Then came Hulu and the dystopian world of The Handmaid’s Tale and now The Bear (brilliant storyline, script, and acting. Oh! The acting).
Disney Plus was next, why The Loser doesn’t know. This was the first yellow flag. We don’t have kids or stoners in the house, so why Disney Plus?
Next came Paramount. That meant one password too many which led to the first intervention, attended by The Loser, his wife, their dog, Linsey and, well, the wife.
“I want to support you,” The Loser thinks she said. “But if we can’t even log in to it, why are we paying $7.99 a month?”
Of course, she was correct. There was no rationale. That’s what happens with addictions. You can rationalize, but there is no rationale. The Loser has often wondered, “Why didn’t I heed her advice then?” But I didn’t.
Amazon Plus. The Loser had no choice, I reasoned. The Loser had to watch Thursday Night Football. The Loser is an American male. Watching football is my birthright. I don’t wear jerseys with other men’s names on the back and I don’t drink light beer, so I rationalized the $8.99 was justified.
Let the games begin.
Week 1.
Bills 31, Rams 10 – Josh Allen and Matthew Stafford combine to throw five interceptions and four touchdowns. First game rustiness, I rationalize.
Week 2
Chiefs 27, Chargers 24 – Justin Herbert and Patrick Mahomes combine for five touchdowns passes and one interception. See honey, imagine if we didn’t have Prime? She shrugs.
Week 3
Browns 29, Steelers 17 – No punches exchanged. No assault by helmet. Ho-hum
Week 4
Bengals 27, Dolphins 15 – All The Loser remembers is Tua’s crippled looking hand and praying he’d show some sign of movement. “This is awful,” said the missus.
Week 5
Colts 12, Broncos 9 – No touchdowns. “This is ridiculous,” she says.
Week 6
Commanders 12, Bears 7 – The Commanders had 86 yards passing – and won. I hear Melissa McCarthy in the hilarious bathroom scene in Bridesmaids insisting, “Look away! Look away!” The wife is staring, no glaring at me. “You need to get help.”
So there is The Loser in the basement of a neighborhood church with seven of other guys (five wearing jerseys with other men’s name on the back) and two gals (one still in Bears color face paint) drinking coffee from Styrofoam cups and chewing Nicorette.
This coming Thursday it’s the 2-4 Saints at the 2-4 Cardinals.
If Arizona loses on a live, nationally streaming home game on Prime Video, it’s hard to imagine coach Kliff Kingsbury retaining his job.
“Got to watch, right? Says “Eddie,” wearing his John Riggins stained, throwback Redskins jersey. “Got to.”
A few nod agreement. Others continue to stare at an imaginary spot on the floor between their feet. “How did it come to this?”
It’s an epidemic this addiction. According to Ad Week, about 10.5 million paid to watched Thursday night’s game which, did The Loser mention, feature the winning team passing for 86 yards. Michael Pittman Jr. had 134 yards receiving.
For us streaming addicts, we must help ourselves because Amazon shelled out $13 billion to stream the Thursday night game for the next 11 years. It’s like the dealer on the corner who’s there 24/7/365.
Do you really need to watch Saints-Cardinals?
Saints WR Chris Olave is out and the rest of the receiving corps in dinged – Michael Thomas and Jarvis Landry are questionable. QBs Jameis Winston and Andy Dalton are questionable. RB Alvin Kamara’s longest run from the scrimmage is 27 yards.
Arizona QB Kyler Murray has a 46.6 quarterback rating, 19th in the league. He’s also the Cardinals leading rushing, which tells you everything you need to know about Arizona’s run game. Leading receiver Marquise Brown is lost for the season.
The Cardinals are giving 1.5 points. We wrote last week that if the Saints didn’t deliver for us, we were hopping off that wagon. That thump you heard was The Loser landing.
We built this one-game parlay at BetMGM. Arizona giving 1.5 and tight end Zach Ertz, who is averaging 49.8 yards, to have more than 64.5 yards receiving. We got +450 odds and wagered $50. The payoff is $275, which means if we win, The Loser nets $225.
As for the streaming addiction. The NFL announced on Tuesday that coming in 2023, Prime Video will stream a 3 p.m. game on Black Friday. Got to have Prime. Got to.
Home team in CAPS.
Last week: 5-9; +Best bets: 2-1
Overall: 47-47-2; +Best bets: 9-9