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Can Lenny the Loser Improve on His NFL Week 1 Performance?

My job is to make your wagering world easier and more successful. To that end, The Loser has decided to rent a P.O. box and receive actual snail mail from those who prove their trust in me by going the other way.

 

Had you done so in Week 1 of the NFL, you’re sitting pretty after my 5-10-1 opening. Filled with arrogant positions and gut calls, The Loser lost every which way but loose. Let’s look back before at a few lowlights we look forward to Week 2.

 

49ers -7 at Bears: Bears won, 19-10. We confidently gave the seven, safe in the knowledge that the Bears have surrounded QB Lance Fields with less weapons Switzerland. What we forgot is that the word, ‘potential,’ is French is for, “hasn’t done squat yet.” Trey Lance might be a great NFL QB one day, but he essentially was a rookie, making his first season-opening start on the road. Man, did it show.

 

Giants -5.5 at Titans. Giants won, 21-20: No explanation. Still looking at the tape.

 

Broncos -6.5 at Seahawks. Seahawks won, 17-16.:  Never, ever underestimate the importance of continuity. The Broncos are much more talented than the Seahawks, but Pete Carroll has built a hornet’s nest in Seattle. Nathaniel “Big Leg,” Hackett was making his coaching debut. Never, ever underestimate the importance of continuity.

 

On to Week 2:

 

CHIEFS -4 over Chargers: Tyreek who? If Patrick Mahomes were a conductor, he could make an orchestra of junior high school kazoo players sound like a symphony. What he did to the Cardinals in Arizona in Week 1 (30-of-39 for 360 yards, five TDs, 0 picks, 94.1 rating – what’s a guy gotta do to get 100?) was remarkable.

 

 

 

They host the Chargers Thursday night, giving four. KC winning is a given (moneyline -210 at FanDuel which is offering a $1,000 No-Sweat Bet. The Chiefs are at 29.5 points over/under. How do you say party, I mean parlay, in Kansas City?’

 

+ RAVENS -3.5 over Dolphins: To avoid tampering charges, Miami owner Stephen Ross took out an anonymous personal in the Miami Herald asking Ezekiel Elliott if he’d like to play for the Dolphins. Lost in the Fish’s win over the Pats was this: Miami rushed for a meager 65 yards on 2.8 yards for carry. Baltimore forces Tua Tagovailoa to throw. Uh-oh.

 

+ BROWNS -6.5 over Jets: DE Myles Garrett has already asked Jets coach Robert Saleh for a receipt to prove he sacked QB Joe Flacco five times.

 

JAGUARS +4 over Colts: Meet the NFL’s new hot QB-WR combo – Trevor Lawrence to Captain Christian Kirk.

 

SAINTS +2.5 over Buccaneers: Jameis Winston and Tom Brady combined on seven completions of 35 or more yards.

 

Panthers +2 over GIANTS: Giants win the toss and coach Brian Daboll elects to go for two. Truth is, Big Blue got lucky last week on the Titans miss field goal.

 

Patriots -2 over STEELERS: Steelers find their killer instinct on offense. It’s QB Kenny Pickett.

 

LIONS -1.5 over Commanders: QB Carson Wretch attempted 41 passes last week because

Washington can’t run the ball. Any time Wretch must attempt more than 35 passes, the Commanders will lose, starting this weekend. Last weekend was anomaly – except for the two picks.

 

49ERS -8.5 over Seahawks: The worse thing to happen to the Seahawks and Commanders is that Geno Smith and Wretch had terrific openers. This is the NFL version of Chaos Theory. Terrible natural disasters will strike Seattle and Washington.

 

RAMS -10.5 over Falcons: A few side bets going forward. Matt Stafford breaks last season’s mark of 17 interceptions. He needs 16 over the last 16 games. Cooper Kupp leads the league in receptions and touchdowns but not yardage. He already has 13 catches and one TD.

 

BRONCOS -10 over Texans: Denver coach Nathaniel Hackett moved the goalposts back 10 yards this week.

 

Cardinals +5.5 over RAIDERS: Kliff Kingsbury take note: Lane Kiffin once got fired on a tarmac.

 

+ BENGALS -7 over Cowboys: With the 1st pick in the 2023 NFL Draft, the Dallas Cowboys select LB Will Anderson, Alabama.

 

PACKERS -10 over Bears: Aaron Rodgers pitches to Aaron Jones who throws back to Rodgers, this ensuring that the Green Bay QB quarterback has a wide receiver he can trust.

 

BILLS-10 over Titans: Derrick Henry says he’s still not over playoff loss to Bills. Wait until he and the Titans drop to 0-2.

 

Vikings +2 over EAGLES: Justin Jefferson, Adam Thielen, Dalvin Cook, A.J. Brown, DaVonta Smith, Quez Watkins, Zach Pascal – makes midnight the over/under for end of game. Over.

 

Home team in CAPS.

+ Best Bets.

 

Last week: 5-10-1. Best bets: 2-1.

Overall: 5-10-1. Best bets: 2-1.

 

 

 

author
Lenn Robbins
Sports Journalist
Hi, I'm Lenn Robbins, a long-time sportswriter who still holds the detention record at Bildersee Junior High School in Brooklyn, N.Y., where I was born and raised. I came out of the womb a Mets fan, was baptized a Knicks fans and through the power of TV, became a Cowboys fan, which explains why I'm in group therapy. The name of my fantasy football league team is Sexual Chocolate. Anyone who can explain the origin of said team name, please h
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