Welcome to the debut of Loser Lookback, a not-so detailed review of the week that was. Last week’s comments in italics.
Eagles -13.5 at TEXANS The Loser believes the Eagles can cover by halftime. Uh, no. LOST
LIONS +3.5 over Packers – Aaron Rodgers’ act has worn out. Rodgers throws picks, shades the Lions, “Can’t lose a game like that against that team,” and lies about having gotten his BS vaccine. WON
FALCONS +3 over Chargers – Can the Falcons really win the NFC South? No. Can they stay in the hunt? Have you seen the NFC South? No team in this division is above .500, just like the Loser this week. PUSH
Dolphins -4.5 at BEARS – The Loser is taking out a Disability Insurance policy in the name of Justin Fields. Fields had more yards rushing (178) than passing (123) and four touchdowns. A Fantasy Football star is born. LOST
+BENGALS -7 over Panthers – If the defending AFC Champs at 4-4 are going to challenge the Ravens in the AFC North, it must start this weekend against the Carolina Fire Sale. Speaking of Fantasy Football League stars, Joe Mixon outscored half of The Loser’s team, Sexual Chocolate, who lost to his son, Loser Jr. Sorry Harry. WON
LIONS +3.5 over Packers – Aaron Rodgers’ act has worn out. Rodgers throws picks, shades the Lions, “Can’t lose a game like that against that team,” and lies about having gotten his BS vaccine. WON
RAIDERS +2 over Jaguars – The Raiders stayed on the East Coast following their humiliating 24-0 loss at New Orleans because the airport in Las Vegas refused to allow the team plane to land. Raiders plane still circling. LOST
+PATRIOTS -6 over Colts – There are no guarantees in the NFL except this – Bill Belichick will make any rookie quarterback look like, well, a rookie quarterback. Sam Ehlinger throws one pick, no touchdowns and posts a QBR of 13.4. WON
Bills -11.5 over JETS – The Bills are going to force Zach Wilson to cover, uh, beat them. Who’s the best NFL team in NY?! Bills at 6-2, Giants at 6-2, Jets, 6-3. What’s next, a Republican governor? LOST.
COMMANDERS +3 over Vikings–QB Kirk Cousins is overdue for his signature letdown game. Cousins last seen adorned with chains and dancing shirtless. ⛓️ Or was that Adam Schefter? PUSH
Seahawks +2 over CARDINALS – We’re putting the over/under on the Kyler Murray-Kliff Kingsbury weekly sideline spat at 11 minutes left in the fourth quarter. Another missed Hard Knocks photo opp. WIN
Rams +3 over BUCCANEERS – Matt Stafford is having an awful season. Tom Brady (on the field) is not. Oops, he did it again.🐐 PUSH
+CHIEFS -12.5 over Titans – Tennessee’s only chance to stay in the game is to play from in front and run Derrick “Designated Hitter” Henry until the tires fall off. Titans followed The Loser’s game plan – and still lost. LOST
Ravens -2.5 over SAINTS – The Ravens acquired the tackling machine known as LB Roquan Smith. Five tackles after being with the team for about 11 minutes. WIN
Last week’s comments in italics. Three pushes in one week. Loser!
Home team in CAPS.
Last week: 5-5-3; +Best bets: 2-1
Overall: 69-64-5; +Best bets: 16-11