By Lenn Robbins
The Loser has a confession to make. He attended the same driving school as Browns DE Myles Garrett. Yes, the Lead Foot Driving School, with locations throughout the United States, guarantees you’ll pass your driver’s test – in record time.
However, we suggest taking your time when placing your bets.
For example, it would be easy to shy away from the Lions giving 3.5 to the Seahawks knowing:
- Jared Goff is still Detroit’s QB.
- Lions RB D’Andre Swift and WR Amon-Ra St. Brown are out
- Lions coach Dan Campbell will go for it on fourth down more often than a pigeon will peck at a pebble.
But lest we forget that the Seahawks are quarterbacked by Geno Smith, who needed eight years to become the starter in the NFL. It took less time (six years) to build the Chunnel.
Which brings us to this weekend’s game in London’s Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. The Vikings are giving 2.5. Always tough to gauge how a team will react to travel across the pond.
Not hard to gauge how the Saints offense will perform without QB Jameis Winston and WR Michael Thomas, both of whom did not practice on Friday and are doubtful. RB Alvin Kamara is questionable, but all it takes is one hit on those ribs and we could see some porridge on the field.
COACHING QUESTION: Love this debate: In which sport is coaching most important?
Managing a baseball team is demanding because of the length of the season. I’m restricted by my most recent prenup from spending more than 14 consecutive days with the wife. The regular season is 162 games, excluding spring training and playoffs. The Loser would never make it.
The NBA also is a challenge with its lengthy season. Moreso, coaching players, many of whom are making 20 times what the head coach earns, place the guy in the first chair in a precarious position.
Hockey. Ever walk into a hockey locker room? The stench is absolutely horrendous. Nuf said.
Which brings us to football. There a more than 300 million Americans and more than half of them are smarter than his or her team’s coach.
We bring up this question because of what’s going on in Jacksonville. Doug Pederson is a long way from getting his bust on the Mount Rushmore of coaches. But he did lead the Eagles to their lone Super Bowl championship by using a brilliantly aggressive gameplan to limit the Patriots potent offense in a 41-33 triumph.
And now he has Jacksonville in first place in the AFC South, a division the Jags can win. They look nothing like the downtrodden, dysfunctional team that took the field last season under Urban Meyer.
Coach of the Year voting hasn’t opened but Philadelphia’s Nick Sirianni and Pederson are the early leaders. Which makes Pederson’s return to Philly an intriguing storyline.
As for the esteemed Lead Foot Driving School. Before any of us kicks into four-wheel drive and ascends the moral high ground, let’s review.
Garrett was doing 65 in a 45 when he rolled his 2021 Porsche. Raise your hand (keep the other on the steering wheel), if you haven’t pushed it like that. Garrett wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol, so his actions fall into the stupidity category, not the criminal.
What would be in Garrett’s best interests is for the Defensive Player of the Year candidate to get himself a nice, fat Maybach and a chauffeur. It would be in the Browns’ best interest to put Garrett on notice that one more Crash Test Dummy episode gets him suspended, without pay, I don’t care what his contract stipulates.
Because here’s the deal. The NFLPA is rightfully outraged that Tua Tagovailoa was allowed to play Thursday night after getting rocked in his last game. Tagovailoa’s health was placed at risk.
Garrett has been cited for speeding at least five times according to published reports. Which means he’s a risk every time he takes the wheel. The NFLPA should confiscate his keys if they’re to be taken seriously. The Loser knows a loser when he sees one.
LIONS -3.5 over Seahawks – This is an indictment of the Seahawks. The Lions have lost their best running back and their best receiver and we’re still going with Motor City’s team. The over/under on times Lions coach Dan Campbell goes for it on fourth down is four.
+Vikings -2.5 over Saints in London – There will be an NFL Europe Division in our lifetime. Which means Andy Dalton will have four more teams to join as a backup quarterback. Then again, after watching the Vikings batter Ginger Man, he might have his forward passport revoked.
FALCONS +1 over Browns – Myles Garrett was denied at every car rental company at Fulton County Airport.
Bills -3 over RAVENS – The Ravens can’t stop the pass. No one can stop Lamar Jackson. Here’s what haunts The Loser. The Ravens came up a 21-point lead at home to the Dolphins. These are not the nasty black birds we’ve come to know and respect.
COWBOYS -3 over Commanders – Cooper Rush jerseys are still 50-percent off! Carson Wentz jerseys are free.
TEXANS +5 over Chargers – Before losing Joey Bosa for the season, the Chargers were giving up 28 points and 4.5 yards per carry. Guess that defense wasn’t fixed.
Titans +3.5 over COLTS – The Derrick “Designated Hitter” Henry train is starting to roll. Jonathan Taylor (toe) says he’s ready to roll. Close game. Low scoring. Like the spread.
BEARS +3.5 over Giants – We still don’t know if Justin Fields can be a franchise quarterback but we’re pretty certain that Daniel Jones is not going to be the Giants QB next season. He should want out after getting pressured a record 23 times , hit 12 times and sacked five times in last week’s loss to Dallas. We’re setting the over/under at 15 pressures, seven hits and three sacks.
EAGLES -6.5 over Jaguars – Like the delicious, soft, cream cheese, that Philadelphia is known for, spread over a hot, toasted bagel, Eagles fans have a chance to show their warm side. Former coach Doug Peterson, who led the Dirty Birds to their lone Super Bowl title, returns to the City of Brotherly Love with his latest reclamation project. But once the game starts, Eagles fans join up with their team to slap the living daylights out of the Jags.
+STEELERS -3.5 over Jets – Quarterback wanted. Does not need to be Ben Roethlisberger or Broadway Joe but does need to show a grasp of the offense and decent decision making. This listing paid for by wide receivers Chase Claypool, George Pickens, Diontae Johnson, Elijah Moore, Garrett Wilson, Corey Davis
PANTHERS -1 over Cardinals – Hot Seat Bowl. Matt Rhule and Kliff Kingsbury are wearing fire resistant Depends, sold exclusively at Target stores in North Carolina and Arizona.
+PACKERS -9.5 over Patriots – Wow. How far we’ve come from Rodgers vs Brady. Bring on Bailey Zappe!
BRONCOS +2.5 over Raiders – Nathaniel Hackett has one more week to get this offense going or John Elway is going to check into rehab – a nice bucolic lodge somewhere in the Rockies where Broncos games are shown in a 420-smoking room. Maybe The Loser will join him.
Chiefs Pick Em over BUCCANEERS – Will she or won’t she? Will Giselle Bundchen be at the game to cheer on her man or won’t she? Will Julio Jones save the Bucs season if not Brady’s marriage? Unknowns abound.
This is certain: Chiefs linebacker Nick Bolton will have double digit tackles. Love this dude. BetMGM has Bolton at 8.5 tackles. Over. Over. And Out.
49ERS -1.5 over Rams – Interception Bowl. Matt Stafford and Jimmy Garoppolo should each get one series playing defensive back.
This week: 1-0
+ Best Bets
Last week: 12-4. Best bets: 3-0.
Overall: 25-23-1. Best bets: 5-4.