By Nick Brinkerhoff
Out of all the places in the world to be, nowhere is worse than the middle. Don’t believe me? Stealers Wheel made “Stuck in the Middle with You” a popular song.
Think about it. Ask Malcolm from the 2000’s sitcom, “Malcolm in the Middle,” how he feels. The middle child is the one that stereotypically receives the least attention. The middle seat is the worst on both planes and car rides.
Yet, for some reason, the Minnesota Vikings are insistent upon being stuck in the middle with Kirk Cousins. Never good enough to win the Super Bowl. Never bad enough to land a top draft pick. Even look at their division, the NFC North. They never win it because of Aaron Rodgers, yet never get to come in last due to the existence of the Detroit Lions.
What a miserable place to be.
Joe Johnson and the late 2000’s/early 2010’s Atlanta Hawks would be jealous.
There have been countless excuses from blaming the coaching staff to a defense that is no longer a top unit in the league. Why? Because Cousins accounts for a good majority of the cap sheet every year as the ninth highest paid player in the league. The buck stops with Cousins. He flat-out just is not good enough. Cousins has a losing record in the playoffs. A brutal record in primetime games. Yet he has made a whopping $185 million, all of that guaranteed money, since signing with the Vikings in 2018. Hopefully that one playoff appearance was worth it.
It’s not even fair to look at this statistically either, considering Cousins’ stats tell a completely different story than the one painted here and in reality. We might as well induct him into the stat padder hall of fame alongside other prominent athletes like Russell Westbrook.
The worst shame of all perhaps is that the NFL decided to implement the 17 game regular season, making 8-8 an impossible record to finish with now. Funny enough, Cousins missed one game in 2021 and managed to finish 8-8 in games played. We admire his commitment to the craft.
Minnesota not only has to endure brutal winters, but then the agony of Cousins trying to lead the team to success every Sunday. Fantasy managers have to watch the likes of Adam Thielen, Justin Jefferson, and Dalvin Cook have their value hurt by the presence of number eight.
Sports bettors have to deal with the bad beats that come with taking the Vikings spread, moneyline, or total. It is a less than ideal place to be, but one the Vikings couldn’t wait to sign on for another year with. Yes, Kirk Cousins signed a one year contract extension worth $35 million that keeps him with the Vikings through 2023. A fully guaranteed $35 million. Woof.
It’s incredible 99% of the league does not hire Cousins’ agent. Talk about NFL malpractice.
That means at least another two years now of the networks inexplicably awarding primetime games to this disappointing team, for the whole world to suffer. I thought we were trying to grow the game. Teams like the Jaguars and Lions may be bad football teams, but I would argue being the definition of NFL average is far worse.
Good enough to have hope, but never good enough to make it reality.
From our little corner of the internet to yours, we apologize to you, Vikings fans for what lies ahead. Maybe one day, our long national nightmare will be over.
Until then, we can all hope that the inevitable rebuild comes sooner, rather than later.
However, keep this in mind Vikings and NFL fans, this is a safe space. One where we can come together to collectively bet our hard earned money against Kirk Cousins and the Vikings for the pain and suffering they’ve caused to our wallets over the years.
Sportsbooks do not currently have lines for the VIkings to miss the playoffs, but we can get in on the under 8.5 wins at +110 on FanDuel. I’m sure Captain Kirk can guide the Vikings to a tie at some point to cash this late in the season. Where are the odds for 8-8-1? That would be a fun bet.
If you’re really amped to get this season started, FanDuel is offering the Packers at -120 in Week 1 against these Vikings.
Until then, keep it locked to the BetBasics NFL page for all the latest and greatest odds and offers.