Lenny the Loser Can’t Wait for 2023

ArkansasBorat!Duke's MayoKansasNFLNotre DameSyracuse

The Loser can’t wait for 2023. Can’t friggin wait.

Because the battering I took the last few days is enough to make The Loser consider life as a monk who forsakes sports wagering for the rest of his days. Behold this list of misery:

*The Loser has Arkansas giving 2.5 over Kansas in the AutoZone Liberty Bowl. Talk about living high on the Hogs, Sam Pittman’s gritty, blue-collar team goes up 38-13 in the third quarter. That’s 10 times the cover.

Then Lance Leopold, the KU coach who could lead the 1979-82 Northwestern teams to the national championship, rallies the Jayhawks. Again, and again and again.

Arkansas salvages a 55-53 win in triple OT. The Loser’s stomach hasn’t been this upset since he saw Ken Davitian naked in Borat!

*The Loser has Minnesota giving 10 over Syracuse in the Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl because the one holiday present everyone in The Bronx is yearning for is a lawnmower. The Golden Gophers jump out to a 14-0 lead and hold a 28-13 lead until the Orange score a touchdown with 2:30 left.

The youngest son, Harry, who is headed to Cuse in the fall, is proud of his Orange for playing hard until the end. He will not be as thrilled when he learns (now) that The Loser will no longer be able to pay for his college education.

*The Loser has South Carolina plus 5.5 over Notre Dame in the TaxSlayer Gator Bowl. The Gamecocks, who use more trickery than Donald Trump’s accountants, tie the game, 38-38, with 7:42 remaining on a 100-yard Pick Six. Talk about momentum!

The Irish respond by going 80 yards in 12 plays and QB Tyler Buchner tosses a 16-yard touchdown with 1:38 left for a 45-38 win. Buchner, not on The Loser’s payroll, threw two Pick Sixes in his personal bid to make The Loser a winner. Buchner clinches the Bowl Season Mr. Resiliency Award. The Loser feels as if he ate a jar of Duke’s Mayonnaise.

A Happy and Healthy New Year to all; 2023 can’t come soon enough.

FALCONS -5.5 over CardinalsElimination Bowl. Both teams already eliminated – why watch?

LIONS -6 over BearsDetroit investigators say they have found the Lions run defense.

Jaguars -3 over TEXANSA tie or win gets the Jaguars into the playoffs.

+CHIEFS -12.5 over BroncosK.C. in contention for the No.1 seed. Denver in contention for a new coach.

+PATRIOTS -2.5 over DolphinsDespite Rhamondre Stevenson’s best efforts, Patriots very much alive in the playoff hunt. Tua Tagovailoa very much in search of a neurologist who can provide objective career advice on his future.

GIANTS -5.5 over ColtsThe Giants have found their coach. The Colts have begun their coaching search. The Giants can clinch a playoff spot. The Colts can improve their draft status.

EAGLES -5.5 over SaintsEagles can clinch the NFC East. Saints still alive (barely) in the NFC South. Eagles are 6-1 at home. Saints are 2-5 on the road.

BUCCANEERS -4 over PanthersTampa Bay can clinch a playoff spot with the win. Carolina can win the NFC South by winning out. Anyone care who from the NFC South gets in?

COMMANDERS -2 over BrownsWashington can clinch a playoff spot with a win and losses by Green Bay, Detroit and Seattle. Deshaun Watson continues his preseason prep for 2023. Carson Wentz tries to resuscitate his career – again. Tired storyline.

+49ers -9.5 over RAIDERS49ers can still clinch the No.1 seed in the NFC. Raiders can clinch the title as most dysfunctional NFL team (Denver has edge) and have benched QB Derek Carr, who left the team. Could be a 49ers home game.

Jets -1.5 over SEAHAWKSTwo teams clinging to playoff hope. We’ve gone with the Jets the last two weeks – and lost. Jets have a much better defense. Seahawks at home. So we go with the better story. If Jets win out, they snap the league’s longest playoff drought – 12 years.

PACKERS -3 over VikingsThese Vikings are made of Paper Mache. They are 12-3 but only have a +5-point differential.

Rams +6.5 over CHARGERSThe first NFL game played in America in which there is no home team although the Rams will have to find the visiting locker room.

RAVENS -2 over SteelersHate picking against Pittsburgh because it is one of the truly great examples of a professional NFL franchise. Hoping Mike Tomlin avoids first losing season. But Ravens can set up AFC North championship game next week in Cincy.

BENGALS +1.5 over BillsAFC Championship game preview? Bills have won six straight. Bengals have won seven straight. Must watch NFL.

HOME team in CAPS

Last Week: 9-7; Best Bets: 3-0

Overall: 109-100-5; +Best bets: 24-18